Bravebird.
So, I've been away a very long time, no? Of course. Mostly, I've been into building myself up to become a walking atom bomb. Mental reprogramming has been a daily activity. I read somewhere between three and four books every few days...and that's unprecedented considering before I thought I had ADD of the worst kind. lol. Being able to concentrate like that is a direct result of the power of self-bossyness. Yes. The art of telling yourself what to do. People (psychologists, self-helpers, etc.) have been pushing that brand of self-help for years...and lo and behold, I've gotten into it.
Today, on my 1.25 hour drive to work, I practiced some severely deep mental programming. At certain points along I-40 going into Raleigh, it got so deep that I totally lost track of what I was doing, but not to the point of being unaware of what I was doing. Folks, I was driving. lol. Can't get that deep into the programming. But, alas, after getting my new work assignments, I went back to my desk for some programming. Mental programming.
The drive to do incredibly big things is insatiable nowadays and the only thing holding me back is me. So when your situation is that, you need to teach yourself to sit down and shut the fcuk up. Really. For a while, it seemed like everything I did was smattered in negativity. Not doing crap because "Oh, no! That's not going to work! You don't know how to do that!" They say very smart people have the most persuasive of demons. Well, in my case, for a while that was true. I'd be standing there having a conversation with somebody, but at the same time I was arguing with myself about what to say next. One voice would be saying "Say you will let her copy your homework! You'll make a friend...you know you fucking need one!" and the other one would being saying "Ohhhhh nnoooo...she can't copy your homework! That's uncivilized! You don't want to be uncivilized, do you?! What's happening here! No..! Take that paper back from her! Dammit!"
Yeah, so it was all an argument. This happened in damn near everything I did. Wrestling with yourself, especially for as long as I have, is one of the most debilitating and unproductive things you can possibly do. The only truly compelling thing I can think of where this would be valuable is when you need to make a decision (one that is beyond superficial) and you need to weigh your options. Otherwise, don't stand there and spazz out beyond a clean facade. Really, folks.
Plus, I've taken up to running. Yeah, I'm healthy all around now, folks. I mean, hahaha, I'm still a lazy sow, so I don't run very far, but I run, nonetheless. Life as a programmer, I realized, keeps your ass in a chair. A lot...almost too much actually. So, if you don't get up and walk around and exercise, you'll become a slobby mess. Your chair's padding won't be worth a damn after awhile because all you do is sit in it, and your knees will just suck. When you finally get up, you'll walk funny. lol. I already walk funny, but during the times where I was plastered to my screen at work, when I got up, I'd walk funny. My legs went numb one day. Yeah. And what's worse? The fcuking automatic lights in the building kicked in and turned everything off. Damn.
Work-life balance? What the fcuk was that?!
So, I've been away a very long time, no? Of course. Mostly, I've been into building myself up to become a walking atom bomb. Mental reprogramming has been a daily activity. I read somewhere between three and four books every few days...and that's unprecedented considering before I thought I had ADD of the worst kind. lol. Being able to concentrate like that is a direct result of the power of self-bossyness. Yes. The art of telling yourself what to do. People (psychologists, self-helpers, etc.) have been pushing that brand of self-help for years...and lo and behold, I've gotten into it.
Today, on my 1.25 hour drive to work, I practiced some severely deep mental programming. At certain points along I-40 going into Raleigh, it got so deep that I totally lost track of what I was doing, but not to the point of being unaware of what I was doing. Folks, I was driving. lol. Can't get that deep into the programming. But, alas, after getting my new work assignments, I went back to my desk for some programming. Mental programming.
The drive to do incredibly big things is insatiable nowadays and the only thing holding me back is me. So when your situation is that, you need to teach yourself to sit down and shut the fcuk up. Really. For a while, it seemed like everything I did was smattered in negativity. Not doing crap because "Oh, no! That's not going to work! You don't know how to do that!" They say very smart people have the most persuasive of demons. Well, in my case, for a while that was true. I'd be standing there having a conversation with somebody, but at the same time I was arguing with myself about what to say next. One voice would be saying "Say you will let her copy your homework! You'll make a friend...you know you fucking need one!" and the other one would being saying "Ohhhhh nnoooo...she can't copy your homework! That's uncivilized! You don't want to be uncivilized, do you?! What's happening here! No..! Take that paper back from her! Dammit!"
Yeah, so it was all an argument. This happened in damn near everything I did. Wrestling with yourself, especially for as long as I have, is one of the most debilitating and unproductive things you can possibly do. The only truly compelling thing I can think of where this would be valuable is when you need to make a decision (one that is beyond superficial) and you need to weigh your options. Otherwise, don't stand there and spazz out beyond a clean facade. Really, folks.
Plus, I've taken up to running. Yeah, I'm healthy all around now, folks. I mean, hahaha, I'm still a lazy sow, so I don't run very far, but I run, nonetheless. Life as a programmer, I realized, keeps your ass in a chair. A lot...almost too much actually. So, if you don't get up and walk around and exercise, you'll become a slobby mess. Your chair's padding won't be worth a damn after awhile because all you do is sit in it, and your knees will just suck. When you finally get up, you'll walk funny. lol. I already walk funny, but during the times where I was plastered to my screen at work, when I got up, I'd walk funny. My legs went numb one day. Yeah. And what's worse? The fcuking automatic lights in the building kicked in and turned everything off. Damn.
Work-life balance? What the fcuk was that?!
posted by Tiffani at 10/12/2005 12:06:00 AM
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